Emotional starving...

Yesterday (well, it's after Midnight, so I guess the day before yesterday) was an awful day. Awful! It started out great, got up early, had a long conversation with a friend, ate a nice, healthy breakfast. Then it happened. I went to the In-laws and there was a huge blow up fight. I got yelled at like crazy for something that I had nothing to do with. Matt wasn't there (of course) and I left in hysterics. I got in my car, stopped by Matt's work to let him know what had happened (and am so blessed to have a husband that will defend me), then I got home and cried on the phone to a friend. Right as I hung up, I headed for the fridge. I stopped myself because I knew if I started eating, I wouldn't stop without feeling like I ruined everything I've been working for.

So I took a shower and cried it all out. I still felt the emotional void that I normally fill with food, and Matt wasn't going to be home for a few more hours. So I grabbed a Dr. Pepper and watched TV. Yeah, healthy right? Actually, it's a vast improvement from normal. Not only that, but I made it a point to sip it slowly. I don't even usually drink soda, but I notice that it's sweet enough to curb my sweet craving, but I don't enjoy the fizziness, so I'm not tempted to drink any more. I also don't drink diet things, but the 100 calories aren't too bad.

So I think I handled it well. Kept right under 1200 calories. Even enjoyed some time at Starbucks, sipping a skinny latte with the hub. I didn't end up working out, and I can't swim until next week because I have an ear infection. I did workout to wii for 30 minutes today though,a do feel great! Overall, I'm feeling awesome!

July 21st

I feel so great! Really! I'm still not sleeping well, but I feel energized. it's 9pm and I still have 451 calories left and I'm not even very hungry. Of course, I will eat to my calorie fill before bed because under 1,200 calories would not be good.

I got out of bed at about 8:30am. Of course, I couldn't fall asleep last night, not sure what time I actually ended up falling asleep, it was after 1:30am. I worked out to a trashy Carmen Electra workout video, but it was actually really fun!

Then, I went to wal mart and got the new Wii Fit! It is awesome! I've already done about 45 minutes on it, and Matt did push-ups and yoga (His back is messed up, so stretching is good!) If you want to try it out before you buy one, let me know! I love my wii and I see wii fit as an investment! I love video games, so something like this is right up my alley.

So that was my day. I'm a happy girl and i feel really good! yay!

Today...

Not bad, not bad!

I'm seriously full (which is another huge plus to not eating meat, I get to eat more because the thing I eat tend to be lower in calories).

Plus I took Scout to the dog park and walked for an hour and did 30 minutes of Cardio Salsa.

I still need to drink 12 more ounces of water then I've met my goals for today! Yay!

Some of my goals

So, these are the things I've been working on as of lately.

1. No meat. I stopped eating meat about 6 months ago. My skin cleared up, I lost weight, I generally feel better. It's also forced me to read the labels of food, and I've been really surprised at some of the things I've seen. I'm planning on making that a permenent lifestyle change.

2. Intentional daily excercize. I'm pretty active, but I'm not intentional about it. A friend and I are going to start going walking when we would normally go out to coffee. I also have a gym membership, and I'm going to start going back to water arobics 3 days a week. I was faithful for months, but I got sick and then fell off the bandwagon.

3. Lots of water. I drink a lot, but again, I'm not intentional about it, and would drink more if I was. My goal is 32 ounces a day, if not more.

4.Paying attention to portion size. Jasmine was telling me that Vitamin Water is good for you, and I told her to look at how much sugar they contain. She said 13 grams. What she didn't realize is that the bottle she drank was 4 servings! It's easy to overlook, so I'm trying to make it a point to pay more attention

4. Completing a daily food log. When I do this, I eat far less in calories (ususally right around 1200-1300 calories a day)then when I don't.

My goals are not losing weight, or being thin or not eating any fat. If I lose weight because I'm being healthy, then awesome, but when I focus on that, the first time I step on the scale and don't see results, I give up. I don;t lose quickly, which is discourging. So I will focus on the health side.

So there it is! I'm off to enjoy my lunch of a veggie burger, salad and a nice glass of water. Then I'm going to walk the dog. Yay!

Goal Setting

Let's face it, I suck at setting goals. Ok, I take that back, I'm fine at setting them, but I give up pretty easily. It's something I've struggled with forever. I've met very few actual goals. I don't think it's a will power issue, I think it's a confidence issue.

You see, I've never been "Skinny" or even "Thin". Never. I've been thin-er and skinny-er, but never what the world would view as thin. Even when I played sports, I was never as thin as anyone else on the team. I've got a larger frame. I'm tall and have bigger hips, which are things I've always been ok with. I like having curves. However, my whole life I've been pressured to look like someone I'm not. I've been given the bad advice that if I lost weight, or whatever, that I would be more confidant. Except news flash-Confidence doesn't come from losing weight, it comes from setting and attaining goals!! Being the giver-upper that I am, I've never had confidence that I can attain a goal I set, at least not physical goals, because the goals I've set are not realistic. So I fail every single time. Sound familiar?



People that have never struggled with their weight don't understand that. That's why it's so easy for them to point fingers and blame it on laziness. I will never be a size 4. There, I said it. I WILL NEVER BE A SIZE 4...EVER! That is okay with me, and thin people that spend their time looking down on the chunky dunkers like me should just accept that. That would be like me saying every thin person has and eating disorder, which I would never ever say. People are built differently. I know thin people that can out eat me every single time and never ever work out. I know fat people that work out a lot and eat small meals and don't lose weight.

So today is a new day. I'm going to watch what I eat, and I'm going to commit to working out, but I'm not going to kill myself over it. I'm not going to let myself fail because I'm going to make healthy, realistic goals, which I will post later, or tomorrow. I'm going to enjoy life, and eat out occasionally. Being healthy shouldn't be torture. So if you want, hop on the get healthy bandwagon. No pressure here! Let me know what your goals are! Even if it's not a physical health goal. The point is self-improvement, and we all need some!